Your resume reads like a laundry list of office lingo and generic clichés, like "maximizing revenue," "optimizing profits," and "driving growth 25/8."

Recruiters are playing hide and seek, HR's in a ghost town, with no published ads in sight.

Ho-hum, I’ve seen this before.

Don’t worry, this isn't a dentist visit. We won't use laughing gas. Unless you really need it.

You will receive a friendly and comprehensive career shaking, including comprehensive advice for your career, resume improvement suggestions, job search tips, and plenty of practical insights.

This helicopter overview provides a lowdown on what's in and what's out, what's hot and what's not, and what's just a hot mess, from linguistic, HR, and recruitment perspectives.

Either way, your career history will get a good old-fashioned roast.

DIRTY LAUNDRY

Career e-Shaking. Serious Advice.

This 10-page e-Book contains insights carefully gathered over 15 years of expertise in HR, Recruitment, Global Headhunting, and individual coaching for job seekers worldwide. From Abu-Dhabi to… Alaska!

You’re welcome.

Inside:

• Resume: Making it hot without overselling.

• ‘’Proven track record’’ and other dirty stuff: synonyms from linguists.

• Who needs a cover letter?

• LinkedIn. Becoming visible.

• How to write a bio without harming your reputation.

• ATS. The dirty realism.

• ‘’Okay. So how to find a job?’’ No-sugar advice.

A stripper was supposed to be here too, but Antonio didn't allow it.

Oopsie daisy, it looks like your latest resume writer is just an amateur who thinks fancy-schmancy words make a good resume.

These self-proclaimed resume rookies often possess a "degree in blabbering," speak "results-oriented" vocabulary, and talk about micro conversions as if it were still 1993.

It's like choosing between a cup of instant coffee and a latte art masterpiece created by a world-renowned barista.

One will satisfy some caffeine cravings, but the other will amaze you with its perfectly textured milk foam and a big heart waiting inside your coffee cup.

BORN BEAUTIFUL

Cognitive Resume

We bake it sharp and to the point, ironing out the kinks, axing clichés, corporate lingo, and buzzwords, to give them facts they want to read.

Bite-Sized Cover Letter

Delivered short and sweet, like a shot of espresso. Recruiters skip verbose cover letters!!

Bio Sketch

The Bio Sketch, a concise executive biography, fits within half to nearly one full page. It’s a snapshot of your career vagabondism without going into exhaustive detail. A quick alternative to your resume for introductions.

Ask recruiters if they prefer the resume or biography first. Since it's less common, a Bio Sketch can be memorable.

Your goal: a lasting impression, making this question a clever tactic.

HERE, we offer ATS-friendly, Designy, and Digital styles for your career documents.

Your LinkedIn page is straight up dead—no headhunters, no action, nada.

You attempt to spruce it up but end up gazing at the screen, feeling like you're playing the whimsical game of peekaboo with your job prospects.

Our writing is so hot, you'll need to run faster than a cheetah on Red Bull just to keep up.

We're talking about ditching your slippers and full-on sprinting to secure a spot on our waiting list.

So lace up those kicks, leave your slippers behind (or not), and get ready to level up from a "hello kitty" to a ferocious cheetah.

#CheetahOnFire #KicksOverSlippers

CHEETAH ON RED BULL

LinkedIn Makeover

We'll give your profile a makeover, optimizing it with a catchy headline, a share-friendly URL, and impactful content.

You will receive expert tips in every section, including advice on the importance of LinkedIn Groups and LinkedIn Recommendations.

Uncertain how your profile appeals to recruiters? We'll even conduct an HR audit for you.

For security and privacy reasons, we do not directly access or modify our clients' LinkedIn profiles.

Instead, you will receive:

• A file containing content that you can easily copy and paste into your profile.

• Simple and straightforward instructions on how to update your profile effectively.

LinkedIn Add-ons

Influencer Campaign Recommendations List of Groups Headshot Retouching

Discover your add-ons right HERE.

You are following the same job search playbook: old-school networking, job board scrolling, and breaking automation tools.

Ah, that "throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks" approach.

Spoiler alert: it's just not working.

Think Moneyball, but with fewer baseballs.

Channeling our inner Billy Beane, we crunch numbers manually, making data-driven decisions that even a seasoned statistician would applaud.

In business, it's not about luck; it's about shaping decisions that would make the Oakland A's proud.

This search relies on hard data, not automation, personal networks, or published ads.

It focuses on active job seekers within your target companies. You will gain access to the inner circle, forming connections before vacancies open up.

Our service is grounded in statistics, much like in baseball.

MONEYBALL¹

Hidden Job Opportunities Search

Turn your LITMUS TEST into concrete results:

• 50 targeted companies tailored to your preferences.

• A selection of 50 HR professionals and in-house recruiters from these companies, including their LinkedIn profiles.

• A persuasive opening message to kickstart your connections.

The Litmus Test results reveal the number of job seekers with the ‘’Open to Work’’ status actively seeking new positions while still employed in your target companies.

This Moneyball strategy positions you ahead of the competition as these opportunities haven't been published yet.

We can discuss this service in detail during our phone conversation.

¹ Beyond its baseball context, "Moneyball" signifies the use of statistical analysis and data-driven decision-making to gain a competitive advantage, especially in situations where resources are limited.

You're ready to take charge of your compensation negotiations, but the mystery budget for your dream company has you scratching your head.

You're also craving a peek into their revenue.

‘‘Tres commas’’ is more than mere punctuation, it’s a symbol of audacity and confidence.

And just like companies chasing big wins, you won't bat an eye unless we're talking millions in revenue before diving into employer talks.

TRES COMAS ¹

Company Revenue Check

''Tres Comas'' is a list of revenue data for 50 companies, either paired with the Moneyball service or based on your own list.

¹ Lingo:

In the electrifying world of "Silicon Valley" TV Series, "tres commas" is the ultimate status symbol.

It's that rare breed of individuals who have amassed a net worth of over a billion dollars, flaunting not one, not two, but three commas in their grand total.

Sending a long, monotonous message feels akin to faxing in the age of TikTok.

But if you're clueless about smoothly sliding into the DMs of high-flying headhunters, remember, behind even the most magnificent peacock's tail, you'll find nothing more than an ordinary chicken's rear end.

#PeacocksWithSecrets

Take a gander at your spiffy Headhunter Directory for a hot minute without fixating on it.

And when you stop seeing the elusive cobra lurking amidst the words, give yourself a hearty round of applause.

This little exercise is scientifically proven to bring you good luck in job interviews.

Show those headhunters that you are not merely a conventional executive but rather, an elegant flamingo amidst a flock of pigeons, carrying a balloon brimming with confetti.

#PigeonsParty Crasher

SEEK THE COBRA

Headhunter Directory

Your mission: land smack on their radar and become a permanent fixture in their exclusive database.

Here's what we do:

• A list of top global executive search firms (up to 20) tailored to your target locations and industries.

• A rolodex of executive search consultants (up to 50) working in these firms.

• A compelling intro to kickstart your initial contact.

The list of executive search consultants will be based on your location and industry preferences from the Litmus Test.

They don't openly post job openings but search within their databases and LinkedIn.

Here's what you need to do:

• Upload your resume to the websites of executive search firms they represent.

• Contact them individually using the message I will prepare for you.

Even if they don't respond immediately, ensure your resume is in their database.

They prioritize internal candidates first before LinkedIn.

LinkedIn is a long-term research tool, while their internal database speeds up the hiring process.

#DoNotKissFrogsOnJobBoards